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ms. sloppy badblood.

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11 Jun 2012, 7:45 am
I know I havent been writing here very much, I'm going to try writing here --> for awhile.

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24 Feb 2012, 8:13 pm
My boyfriend/fiance/runner-up for fuckup of the year for 2011 & 2012 is back in jail. He called me this morning, so solemn after failing a drug test. "I'm an idiot and I'm sorry." I told him that I didn't want to tell him how stupid he was, but I didn't know what else to say and we laughed for a minute. I don't know why he is so self-destructive. Like oh, I have a great job now? Let me fuck that up by going to jail. I know it's not what he intended, but what does he expect? I take pills, but I've got my shit together. He has a kid that needs him. Just wake the fuck up.

I dont know if I'm supposed to walk away or what. Even if I did, it would just be in hopes of him becoming a better person. How could I walk away from that? Maybe we're not good for one another. I dont really have anything to base good off of, so idk.
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10 Dec 2011, 9:22 pm

Will we make it to a year? Countdown to 12-22.
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16 Nov 2011, 2:01 am
Damn, my opiate hobby is getting a little too expensive. I'm averaging over $30 a day now. It's just been so consistently available that I've lost track of how frequently I've been using, and how much. I bought everything my dealer had the other day, then my boyfriend got his percocet prescription filled and gave me some pills that he owed me, then this heroin addict started working with me and has a bottle of roxy on him at all times.

I'm itchy as hell right now, but could go for some milano cookies like you wouldn't believe. I must be the only user ever that gets hungry on opiates. I just ate a crossaint with smoked gouda and would very much like some pineapple soda.

My mother was very sweet today. I got home from work, walked into my bedroom, and saw this incredible painting resting against the couch in my room. It's aprox four feet by four feet, white canvas with awesome rorshach inkblots on it. Kind of creepy, definitely my style. It was very nice of her, and it feels bon to be on good terms with her again.

Josh's birthday is on Thurs, but I am not in the mood to celebrate. I keep thinking about how he forgot about my birthday and hasn't bought something for me or even DONE anything sweet for me in months and months. The last thing I remember him buying me was a balloon last V-Day. He hasn't done anything legitimately sweet in about just as long.

He tells me, "You get paranoid and think I dont care about you because we dont make love 24/7." Thats not true, I just see the evidence of him not even giving a fucking inch of a try. He buys comic books for himself all the time. My friend's boyfriend bought me a rose the other night and I was again reminded of how Josh has NEVER done something like that for me.

Fuck his birthday.

Here are some pictures of me drunk with coworkers the other night, fatter than ever, but I am high too often these days to even care:

brandy, me, sendel

me & anna

stephani & me
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